Brownian Motion

Leggo my Eggo

2009-09-09T03:21:00.001-05:00

I sure hope someone was fired for this.

Terror-chic

2009-08-14T03:02:00.001-05:00

I have not shaved in a week. *Everyone* at the grocery store smiles at me now.

-- Post From My iPhone

My only observation from the Oscars

2009-02-22T23:41:00.003-05:00

And no.. it's not about Slumdog Millionaire which I'm sure countless hundreds other bloggers will wax poetic on.

No.. I choose to recognize and salute Adrien Brody sporting what I like to call... "The Wet Jesus Look"

My Viewing Notes from the Grammy Awards

2009-02-08T23:35:00.002-05:00

For the first time pretty much ever, I watched the entire Grammy Awards. I never watch because really, mainstream music is pretty terrible. However, after this I realized I should watch the entire thing more often… it’s comedic gold.

Also, no smartass posts about not getting the names of folks right. You're lucky i stayed up this long.

- I love me the U2, but I just can’t get into this song “Get on your boots”. And Bono, nice Frankenstein-like boots to illustrate the point… and was that mascara you’re wearing?

- Whitney Houston is apparently still on crack. Also, Sir Paul.. what up with the standing ovation for Whitney? You’re Paul-frickin-McCartney!

- Clive Davis – Older than dirt.

- Very touching best R&B album for Jennifer Hudson. Poor girl after all she’s been through. Also, someone should have mentioned to her that her napkin is still wrapped around her neck.

- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, please stop trying to be a comedian. Please.

- Justin Timberlake – clearly a homo. Justin Timberlake should also not try to be a comedian. General Store... nice.

- Justin introduces Boyz 2 Men, Keith Urban and Al Green.. and then joins in to basically headline Al’s signature song. And… when did Al Get fat? Keith Urban and his 4 second solo was the best part of this song. Boyz 2 Men, so nice of you to sing backup.

- Brief shot of Robert Plant. He looks functionally retarded.

- Simon Baker – nice try on the hipster glasses. Nice Try.

- Coldplay, had I not watched the 60 minutes special on you just before this, I would’ve not thought “damn… that dude is like a spazzy 5 year old”. I spent most of the song trying to figure out if the stuff on the piano was notes to yourself. Jay Z, nice cameo… I still wish I could afford your headphones. Your second song confirms spazzness.

- Keith Urbans’ props to Gene Autry, and introduction of Carrie Underwood for her song – i.e. the first bathroom break of the evening, and pit stop for beer.

- Sheryl Crow and Leanne Rhymes – nice to see Sheryl is still identified with her song from like.. ten years ago. Brenda Lee tribute.. who cares. Another Country award… back to the kitchen looking for chips. Leanne looks… pretty bad.

- Sugarland wins the country award and are seated just behind Raphael Saadiq… who is still sporting his 50’s look. Dude from Sugarland wearing his little black Sinatra hat…. I’m not seeing it.

- Duffy and Rev. Al Green come out after the commercial for Song of the Year… who is Duffy? Her voice pierces my skull into my brain and at my eyeball. Of course, Coldplay wins. Isn’t it a bad idea to do Song of the Year so soon in the program? Also, first Paul McCartney mention of the night.

- Kid Rock is a double nominee?? What the hell? Is this for that Sweet Home Alabama rip off song? And is he singing for the troops or something? Oh jeez.. second song is the rip off song. Although, I must admit, it’s pretty catchy. What’s up with him trying to “soul” it up? A song saying “Amen”, another with “Testify”

- Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus singing some song. Time to put the tv on mute and enjoy a cold beer watching the eye candy.

- And then the presentation for best Pop Collaboration with Vocals… I’m not interested in any of these songs. Robert Plant and Alison Kraus win for some sad mopey song. I like how the microphone hides his entire face, and he doesn’t give Alison a chance to say anything.

- Jennifer Hudson is pretty good. You can tell she’s thinking about her family. Also, she looks cute. She deserved the ovation.

- Before the commercial break, they mention another Justin Timberlake song. I’m scared.

- CSI’s Emily Proctor (cougar) and Jasaon Moraz (sporting the lame Sinatra style hat) introducing the Jonas Brothers with Stevie Wonder. Poor Stevie… they treat the handicapped so badly in this country. Stevie.. also getting chunky in his latter years. Dear lord, please don’t ruin “Superstitious”… too late. Nice line flub Jonas kid.

- Blink 182… these guys taking the stage is like me just wandering up there. They’re officially reunited… I had no idea they broke up. Sure, give the dude with the broke arm the envelope to open. And Coldplay wins best Rock Album, interjecting some geology humor in the acceptance speech. Coldplay dude sticks it to the man and walks back to his seat rather than going into the offstage tunnel.

- India Arie schlepping for Target. Nice.

- Craig Ferguson.. this guy is hilarious. His funny intro makes me forget how terribly bad Katy Perry’s fruit inspired Chiquita Banana little romp is. Although… she is cute… and curvy. Actually, on second thought… her whole act… is like porn.

- Kanye with the shiny jacket and afro-mullet and OJ gloves. Estelle in a shiny dress and a Vanessa Huxtable inspired hairdo. I’m obsessed with the afro-mullet.

- Best New Artist… Bob Newhart won this? Adelle wins it this year. I have no idea who she is. She’s a limey though. And weepy.

- Morgan Freeman, what’s up with the black glove? Is that still from the car accident? Kind of overkill to get him to introduce Kenny Chesney. What does this mean for me? Bathroom break.

- Diddy, Herbie Hancock and Natalie Cole for Record of the Year. Damn she’s tall. Or they’re both short. Robert Plant and Alison Kraus win again… will he let her speak this time? Nope… Alison still snubbed.

- Diddy on CSI Miami as a Lawyer. Yeah, that’s believable.

- Queen Latifah with the Dean Martin tribute. Queen takes a long ass time to introduce supper pregger M.I.A., who I realize is Indian and is dressed as some kind of huge ladybug. Kanye and the afro-mullet make a reappearance. Jay Z in a tux… lookin’ like a fly black James Bond. T.I. and Lil Wayne floating around and doing their thing. Why does Lil Wayne look dressed for a blizzard?

- Kate Beckensale out to present… only real claim to fame – Underworld movies. She introduces Sir Paul and Dave Grohl.

- Paul McCartney singing Beatles songs… simply great. Nice stuffed wolf doll on the speaker as well. Dave Grohl reminds me of the Muppet, Animal.

- Jack Black (sporting the Sinatra hat) and Charlie Hayden (apparently Jack Black’s father in law), giving props to Hank Jones (I had no idea either). Then presenting for Best Male Pop Vocal. John Mayer wins and has all the panache and style of a high school kid.

- Jay Moore and LL Cool J wearing the same tie apparently, presenting Sugarland and Adelle for what promises to be a country inspired snoozefest. Time for another beer and a check of email.

- Gweneth Paltrow apparently wearing the same shiny dress that Estelle wore, introducing Radiohead and my high school band…

- Samuel L. Jackson sporting the elderly street thug look, introduces T.I. and Justin Timberlake. Time for the mute button.

- Foolishly unmuted.

- President of the Recording Academy – one of the rare appearances by an old white guy on the stage tonight. Another opportunity for a break from the tv.

- Smokey Robinson taking the stage, talking about the Four Tops and the lifetime achievement award. The Four Tops.. with Ne-Yo and Jaime Fox. I’m confused. Should I hate this.. should I like this? No butchering of the song is evident. I think I’ll like this. Ne-Yo, don’t get crazy. Sugarpie Honeybunch is easily one of my favorite performances of the night.

- Josh Groban. Blah.

- Neil Diamond! Sweeeeeet Caroline… good times never seemed soooo good.

- And now for the montage of those who’ve passed on.

- BB King, Bo Diddley and… John Mayer and some country dude.. Kenny, Keith? Thankfully the two white dudes don’t mess up a perfectly good blues vibe.

- Gary Sinese – I’m fascinated how his eyebrows don’t move.

- Lil Wayne, Robin Thicke, Alan Tissount (sp?). Let me just put it out there… I hate Robin Thicke. They’re moaning something about New Orleans. And now some horn section called the Dirty Dozen that seems to be something out of a Lil Wayne childhood memory.

- Will.I.Am and T.Pain… nice hats.

- Best Rap Album goes to Lil Wayne who makes a great little heel clicking jump on stage, and calls up his whole family. He does however make the best speech of the night – “I just wanna say, thank God, thank New Orleans, thank these people right here, and thank you”

- Zoey Daschenelle(?) wearing… something purple, and introducing Robert Plant and Alison Kraus. Alison is heard for the first time tonight.

- Green Day with the final Grammy of the night. Goddamn I’m weary. Album of the year is… Robert Plant and Alison Kraus. The real question is… will she be able to thank anyone on the microphone? She does! It’s a music miracle! Of course, Robert badly wants to say something… and he does… finally thanking Alison Kraus for the first time tonight. And they’re cut off by the wrap up music.

- Stevie Wonder is propped back out to sing the sign off music. I realize he’s blind and all... but could they shine a little more light on him please? This is also a horrible song.

I hate it when...

2008-10-22T17:58:00.000-05:00

... they spell it "congradulations".

The Vote of a New Generation

2008-10-21T16:23:00.001-05:00

Obama... Pepsi... something seems familiar...

Chinese Democracy

2008-10-21T16:10:00.003-05:00

According to Wikipedia:

"Chinese Democracy is the upcoming sixth studio album by the American rock band Guns N' Roses. Scheduled for release on November 23, 2008 in North America—according to Billboard and Rolling Stone—it will be their first album of original studio material since the simultaneous release of Use Your Illusion I and II in September 1991."

A timely followup to their success 17 years ago.
This strikes me as more shocking and newsworthy than if China actually instituted democratic reforms.

Christians and Jews

2008-10-07T18:54:00.002-05:00

I was wondering... if America is essentially a Christian nation (no offense everyone else, but really... when did you see an election sway because of the Buddhist vote?), why then are we supposedly so interested in the wellbeing of Israel?

Didn't the Jews pretty much ask for Christ to be killed?

Republicans and the $700 Billion Bailout

2008-10-02T17:58:00.002-05:00

So I was thinking... why are the Republicans all bent outta shape about the bailout package? Really, thinking about it, this is something that falls in line with their beliefs.

Republicans are pretty much big time bible thumpers, I think we can agree on that. In the bible, there's talk of God and Jesus. If you recall, Gods basic shtick is that men are flawed, and he hands down some rules (or Commandments if you will) about how to live. Men continue to be pretty messed up, so as the story goes "sends his only begotten son" (this sounds like Superman sorta) to help "save" us. Now the thing is, we only have to believe in J.C. in order to be saved. That's it... no community service, no fines, no prison time. Just believe.

In a sense.. it's like a bailout package from God.

So an economic bailout is... really... the Christian thing to do :)

Hookah Bar

2008-07-27T15:24:00.000-05:00

I wonder if they'll expand like crazy till there's one on every corner?

Check, check, check it out

2008-07-14T23:20:00.001-05:00

New IPhone!

Ripped from the Headlines of Platypi Weekly

2008-05-08T18:00:00.003-05:00

So it seems a group of scientists has been diligently working through the last two years to produce for mankind the complete genome of the duckbill platypus (pictured right).

Whew! Allow me to wipe a brow... I was worried that we'd forget about this. I mean, with that whole pesky economy, and war, and election thingy, and Miley Cyrus not appearing naked even though if you took away all the things covering her she'd then be naked.

"It's such a wacky organism,"
said Richard Wilson, director of the genome
center at Washington University in St. Louis

"Wacky" - That's a scientific term which has been carefully culled to describe the efforts of this probing two year effort to definitely define this animal. This jackass actually gets paid for this. Hell, I'd love to be paid to map out all the episodes of Frasier, but that ain't happening anytime soon.

Now that we have this valuable information, what to do with it? Cure platypi cancer? Change 'em all to ducks? Perhaps make them more normal looking beavers? Or.. perhaps the last laugh is on us.. maybe this is a secret government study to create supersmart platypi and turn them into bomb delivering agents?

Read it and weep

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2007-11-14T13:28:00.000-05:00

Kung Fu in a box

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2007-10-13T17:40:00.001-05:00

Mall cart. So wrong.

Before our program, a word from our sponsors

2007-09-28T15:26:00.000-05:00

So on the way to Italy for this years big vacation, is the relatively simple matter of getting to Italy. First few days of fall, the weather is gorgeous, a short flight from Baltimore to Philly, then Philly to Rome.

Simple right?

Seems my 3 hour layover in Philly is threatened due to some airport shutdown. After getting on the little commuter flight an hour and a half late, I and my fellow passengers get to wait an hou on the tarmac now.

Blah.

I need a vacation.

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2007-09-27T22:05:00.001-05:00

Rilo Kiley at the 9:30 club

Groovy

2007-09-17T20:36:00.000-05:00

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2007-08-24T23:25:00.001-05:00

Atlanta, GA - Kitchen closes at midnight :-(

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2007-08-24T17:33:00.001-05:00

So true...

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2007-08-24T10:21:00.000-05:00

My boss donating product to Baltimore's libraries

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2007-08-13T14:09:00.001-05:00

Canadian car humor

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2007-08-10T19:49:00.001-05:00

Chinese restaurant in Niagra Falls, Canada

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2007-08-08T23:14:00.001-05:00

The spot where Reagan was shot, and the site of the conference I went to today.

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2007-08-04T17:38:00.001-05:00

Virginfest, waiting for the Beastie Boys

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2007-08-03T22:01:00.001-05:00

The Police at Madison Square Garden. Awesome show!

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2007-08-02T16:14:00.001-05:00

First phone post!

The Seven (new) Oneders (wonders)

2007-07-05T13:22:00.000-05:00

There's some relatively small buzz in the world about picking seven "new" wonders of the world (see link).

In fact, there's a whole campaign that has been created for this. The aptly named "New 7 Wonders of the World" campaign is all set to announce this Saturday the new list in Portugal. Apparently this whole nonesense was started by some Swiss "adventurer" in 1999. Who claims they're an "adventurer"? I mean seriously.. c'mon.. get a day job.

What authority does our adventurer friend have here? What if... say.. the Soveriegn Nation of One Blind Mouse were to declare that list unofficial, and came up with our own list? Say perhaps.. in no particular order:

1. Muchhad Paanwalla
2. The gyro's from the Deli on Main Street Huntington Beach
3. The entire city of New York
4. The Dance Dance Revolution phenomenon
5. Those chocolate covered mini Tootsie Rolls
6. Tony Robbins
7. Sperry Topsiders

What then? Huh? Huh?

Don't let anyone tell you what you should like...

2007-04-08T19:23:00.000-05:00

This is a really interesting article that highlights a bunch of different issues. However the takeaway for me was, appreciate art and beauty wherever it may be. The premise: Take a famous world class musician, with a historically famous and sonically superior instrument, place them at a subway station, and see what happens.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html?referrer=backblade

The obligatory first post on what all the subsequent posts should be about

2007-04-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

Most new blogs start out in one of two ways - There's the "More later", and then no posts ever after. Or there's the manifesto of sorts that says what topics will be addressed and in what manner they'll be pursued. Perhaps if you're lucky, it'll also include a brief statement on why the person is qualified to do so.

This strikes me as something Jor-El, the Marlon Brando father of Superman would do. A whole little statement on who he was, and why he's the guy Clark should spend the next ten years with to learn about the Universe.

So essentially... I want to be your Jor-El. I'm not really your father. I'm not really qualified to do much of anything. But hey.. I like to mock, and mocking is what it's all about.